young goo goo..

weird title right? where have I got the title from? it was the title song that my fave artist, (currently at the moment) is Usher singing together with Alicia Keys. two great artists singing together to make one great song. that's currently running inside my head right now.

what else can I say? there's the usual work that's got to be done today and basically I learnt something new. the documents that I have to analyse do some in different formats, and I was thrown off by surprise when I saw the document come in different format. since I am the Non-Gold admin, I deal with Non-Gold transactions. there is also another system called Gold system. haha.. that's another completely different system which requires a special method to insert the transactions. got only two documents which came in today, and I spent most of the day filing the Inbound (incoming ) documents. when Johnny asked me whether I had finished it as the clock ticked close to 5.30 pm. I said no, and he knew that I intended to work overtime. Imagine my shock when he told me to stop my work and continue the next day. (there's a rule that we can leave the docs till the next day in the office.) Give and take I guess. there's also a scare which I experienced in the morning. when Johnny said he wanted to talk to me, I dreaded the feeling that something bad is going to happen. when he spent a long time talking to Steven, (since the door was open and their voices could be faintly heard from my desk, I knew that they were talking about me and my work performance. I believe that Steven is not happy with my work, since I can't find the documents which he really needed urgently and with my filing. so naturally, he is totally not satisfied with my work performance. I know that I had to buck up in filing and maintain my standard of work when keying in work. I had to endure the indirect insults from Steven when I'm not able to meet his expectations. no wonder Yan Jie was doubtful when she was proposed to do the filing, since she was the last person who touched the documents. But her supervisor, William, proposed that I do it. guess what? I am instructed to do it. I'm okay with it, but the nightmare begins when I had to search for the missing documents that had long been passed around, and since everybody I asked claimed that they didn't have them, it became my responsibility. and I remember that Steven told me straight in the face that he would deduct my pay if I slacked in my work performance. and I learnt a powerful lesson from here. Always do your best, even though it is mediore to you. actually, I started sniffing softly (others thought that I'm going to cry) but the truth is that i was struck with a flu and it started working after that incident. Johnny came to me and watched the way I work for a while. I believe that my face expression changed. I also had to maintain my composure when Steven said this,
" do not touch my things. go out of my room. leave them as they are. I don't want you to mess up my things." and there was Alex in his room too. he gave totally different treatment to him as Alex managed to find them. since he offered to help me find them. I took a deep breath and told myself to remain calm. My self esteem went down a notch later. as I talked with my sister, she told me not to take it seriously aince the documents that he wanted were found. but later the same thing happened when YY approached me to tell me to find another document that Steven really wanted. and today, I still haven't found it. Johnny was quite tactful when he told me this.

"This is why I say, do your filing properly."
he didn't reply in this manner," I told you so. so now you know the reason why."
My trust in him was sealed. I believe that he knows that I didn't really need another lecture or scolding from him at that time. and I am grateful to him and Allah for that. If it really happened, I would have my composure torn down and then there I wuold really start crying. I see Johnny in a different light now. I give him respect that he deserves, and rightly so.

and today, something happened to me. as I was falling asleep doing nothing but massaging my forehead to keep awake, he called me over and confirmed with me that I got nothing to do. he asked Angie, a Gold manager, to pass me some of the Gold documents. I was required to enter the data exactly the same way she taught me. I did my best in doing them. from that moment, I knew that Johnny had his trust in me.
"it is easy to break someone's trust, but ALWAYS HARD WORK to regain his trust back."

I do not know why my energy seemed to be low today, so tomorrow, I must tackle the problem. and I seemed to be more blur today. haha.. must get a good night rest tonight.

adios...

wah...

just got my $$ today!! Ahh.. I feel soo relieved.. finally can spend my first hard earned money.. ironically, the first item that I spend on my $$ is the Macdonald's Mcflurry icecream.. (hungry lah..) I say man, planned to go shopping and ransack all the shops that come in my way, already know what things that I seriously need to buy. can't wait for Saturday!! Yahoo!!
planning to get another jo soon, cos I'm planning to end my job at the end of this month.. hopefully I will check for any mistakes and hope that all the work I did for the day is 110% best. and I mean it. Haix.. another problem came up, now I have to work harder than ever before to earn and win back the trust of the 1st important person. Steven. no lah, he's not the Steven whom we all know in class KE.. but I heard that the name of the class changed to another name.. what is it? KO? maybe. If yes, then I'll say case closed. ;p hmm.. wondering how are they doing.. hope that they'll doing fine..
the Steven Whom I'm talking about is My HUb manager. he's the one who hired me. and he easily has the power to tell the agency whom I work for to end my contract. Wah liao eh.. I really regret breaking his trust. just now got my hopes crushed. tot that he is finally forgiven me when he started talking to me just now. then later, he told me straight in the face that any small mistakes that I made will result in deducting $$ from my salary.. Haix.. and he told me in front of all the colleagues, making sure that they heard him.. when will the tongues stop wagging?? almost cried again. hati sakit lah.. that incident reinforced the reason why I really need to get another job. coz I want to be happy when doing my job. sure, I can give all my effort into the work now, but in the long run, I really don't vision myself as working there for long.. I even told that to the agency person, Shanne. look for greener pasture, I guess.
now I know how hard is it to work and get that hard earned money. no wonder parents always nag at us to spend our $$ wisely and save some of them.. well, better start saving soon. thinking of a person whom I'm writing this.. hopefully he's doing great coz I've been praying for him and the rest.. every morning, I think of my close friends and prayed to Allah, so that they'll always be in HIS care and protection always. Insya'Allah. ther person whom I'm talking about is my god brother, Sean. Targa, Ryan, Ryan's Wife ( I haven't get to knoe her name yet even though we talked and met a few times.. Aish..) Kok Yen, Gary, rebecca, Caiqi, Doreen, Steven (KE), Intan, Han Rong, Cheryl, Faisal.. all those ppl made a difference in my life and I'll never forget what they did for me, and especially Sarah.
I heard from Mr. Anthony that she's getting better and I am so relieved to hear that.. Been praying a lot for Sarah.. Was kinda devastated when I heard the bad news from her when she smsed me one morning.. I know that it has been a big blow to her.. well, any going to parent would be.. hopefully she would be blessed wit a beautiful, healthy and faithful child.. well, I'm gonna leave it to Allah's will.

I know and am a firm believer that HE will AlWAYS Hear Our Prayers, no matter what time of the day.. I LOVE HIM. I LOVE ALLAH. Without HIM, I don't think that I would be able to get past all the obstacles that life throws at me. Neither would I want to be right now. I feel soo BLESSED.

speaking of National Day, I spotted some of my Sc friends as they were motivating the crowd. cried out in surprise as I spotted the camera man focus his attention on Gary, as he was interviewed by the channel 5 reporter, I could see that's he's trying not to blush as he gave his answer. Immediately smsed him as soon the interview was over.. I was soo proud of him. not to mention all who participated in this year's NDP. Spotted Khadijah and MOlly waving to the camera at the start, then saw Alif waving hi to the camera and saying hi loudly and saw my dear junior Tom talking on the phone. haha... I cried after I saw them.. really missed them a lot.. loved them with all my heart.. Muack!! I wanted to see the motivator's performance really badly. I wanna see the foundation and the dance moves they had so practiced a lot.. I wanna learn them!! Aiee!! how come I didn't go into this year's ndp??!! *&^%$#@!

ahem.. excuse me for my lack of grace just now. i purposely did that.. hehe..

well, getting late. gotta go.

bye, Adios!!

eve of national day..

the day has finally arrived. the thought of my close friends going for dance rehearsals to prepare for this day is going to end soon. when Gary demontrated some of the dance moves, I thought, wow. their chereographed moves are better than I imagined. even I myself wanted to learn them! like millie said, the memories will always be there... and I snigger at the thought of Gary running faster than the others, the second person running 2 meters behind him.. haha.. I wonder how's his face expression. (Mr. Bean Style??) too bad i missed it. :x
all those who participated in this year are soooo lucky. especially the ones who get to dance.. even more shiok!! it's a chance that I regretted not taking... but never mind, I find other opportunities to do my own thing..

everytime I spotted the NDP tv ad, I knew that, like always, its going to be grand. further more our beloved and well-respected Prime mInister Mr. Goh Chok Tong is stepping down, so this year NDP is really a significant event for all of us. (wah.. I'm getting patriotic here.)

as for work, i survived another week with the usual highs and lows (most of the time, lows) and I had to face and deal with another blow. my mentor told me this; when you work in an office environment, where there are usually office politics, it's best not to get yourself involved. and try not to take things too personally. MOst important of all, be aware of ppl who know your weakness and try to manipulate you using your guilt. So in other words, when I work, I have to be less emotionally detached and have to look at the matter objectively. there was one instance which it happened to me. as usual, Johnny was scolding me, and he told me straight in the face that he tot that I had the wrong ideas about doing my work as he was checking my work. He pointed out my mistakes and made sure that everyone heard him telling me off as I made another blunder. me? you know the saying. what comes in thru the left ear, comes out from the right. he pointed my mistake out, then changed it, all the while saying that this particular customer rang the office the day before and demanded a full explaination why his item was never shipped out. when he looked at the heading, he realised that he himself made a mistake and quickly corrected it. haiz, to think that he scolded me for a shipment that never really happened in the first place (during my absence)
I just rolled my eyes in the end.

however, there ARE some things that happened while I worked there. those things that I did, I admit, I am NOT proud of. This work stint made me realise my Blind Spots. others' points of view of me and their impresson of me to them. But I learnt to take all of them in stride and just work harder than before. hard work is not enough. add to that, a willingness to learn, constantly improving, remember not to do your mistakes again. As I think about it, this data entry job is not only about entering shipment data. it accounts for customer service (Do the RIGHT thing RIGHT the first time, every time)

and the very idea where I had to work my hardest to win back the trust and respect from the all colleagues humbles me greatly.

and this is an ONGOING PROCESS. that realisation just hit me Home..

a rainy day had passed..

what can I say? today is a day for me to slack.. it had been raining during the day. spent the day cleaning out my closet, helped my mom cook sambal goreng.. the tedious stage of the cooking is when I need to cut up all the vege and stir them and not let them get burnt..
the after product is fantastic, even I do say myself..

another working week had passed, and there was one day when I came to my desk seeing this pile of documents needed to be done a.s.a.p. I did them all and finished them just before lunch hour.. and Josephine checked with me and made sure that I know my mistakes. the week had passed, and I spent the rest of the days doing one or two documents and surfing the net.. well, got nothing for me to do.

what else? I noticed that towards the end of the month, all the permanent staff had their own meetings, and sometimes all of them attended a meeting too. besides me, there is also a temp staff working in the same company too. he is Vincent, a 68 year old man who works part time to pass his time. he adopts the constant learning attitude I found him to be a humble, cheerful person who never hesitates to ask questions to clarify his doubt. he is also the first person whom I confided that I had never felt so alone in that office. he came over to my desk, crouched down to look at me eye-level and gave a long speech which I would never forget. what he said exactly described my feelings and my actions at that time. I nearly broke down in tears when I whispered that I had the feeling that I'm gonna be fired soon. he assured me that it's not going to happen because the office has lack of staff since 2 temp staff had left. meetings was about the state of the non gold inventory and the lack of staff. I guess that there are more new ppl working here after the temp staff had left.

well, that's it..

Depressing..

finally it is Saturday. 1 hella week had passed. With it had brought many events that truly tested my limits. And today, it had brought my confidence and self-esteem down to a new time low. When I started working, I found myself experiencing a mix of feelings; confusion, depressing, frustrated, angry.. The list goes on. Tired of them all. Tired of being in this situation.. I want OUT.
 
this week also had been raining hard in the morns.. It seemed that the weather knew exactly my mood and acted accordingly. haha... yeah right.
 I found myself facing the computer everyday for 8 hours, and enduring the instincts in me that most of my colleagues wanted me to LEAVE. Everyday they faced problems created by me and convinced themselves that I was like the previous person who had my job. What the *&^%$%!!
 
Let me tell you what exactly happened. The person who left my job is FAKE. Pretending to be nice and calling me dear, I wrote down all the tips and noted down all the details that I'm supposed to remember while doing my work. If you haven't read my previous reply, let me refresh your memory again.
 
this formula;
 
1 bad teacher + 1 bad student = 1 totally screwed up document.
 
An attitude person who left a bad impression of herself to others and made me do all the dirty work, I had to face the consequences. To her, I was just a scapegoat and a handy tool for her revenge. I had unwittingly got myself into a situation where the consequences are 100% serious.

finally I know what exactly happened. This person; let's call her Ms. Bullshit.
She is well-known for pretending and never did her work properly. And the relationship between her and Johnny  was always bad. They were constantly fighting with each other about her attitude and her way of doing work. And it happened that Johnny was on leave and instructed her to teach all the things that happened to me. ALL the things that she taught me was totally WRONG. On the second and third day, I thought that I was doing the work properly but little did I know, I screwed up the work. and johnny spent 16 hours doing the corrections. I nearly cried when I found out about that. I went to Juliana and told her the truth. She encouraged me to tell the truth to Johnny. I did and he understood. he spent the rest of the day teaching me.
at first, I had to get used to the pile of documents waiting to be done for the day. I worked overtime to finish most of the documents. I had to be prepared to the sudden changes. on thursday night, I was typing quite slowly (I double checked several times before I was finally satisfied and passed the document over to Johnny) I tried my hardest to figure out the documents in small fonts and to make things worse, I had never seen the documents before. The fact still remains, Miss Bullshit didn't do a proper job of teaching me. All she did was to tell and describe how the documents looked like and didn't have samples of them. I asked her several times to demonstrate but she didn't do what I requested. so when she left, I was totally on my own and when the warehouse people passed me the docs. I had absolutely no idea which document belongs whether it was air freight, sea frieght, local delivery or self delivery. When I tried to look around for help, I saw all of them working hard and had the feeling that I shouldn't disturb them. So when I typed the data entries, the inventory report was terrible. I could see Johnny wanted to explode at me in anger several times but held himself in check.

On thursday night, I was doing my work, Johnny was scheduled for reservist the next day. So he instructed a lady to check my work and point out my mistakes. I was so tired that I couldn't finish the the last document for the day. I was getting the hang of it when I was instructed by Johnny that I was supposed to teach her what my work is about. When I taught her, I didn't want the colleague ( Josephine) to suffer the same consequences like me so I took the liberty to take time off to teach her the documents and showed her how did the  documents look like. (Note: air frieght, sea frieght, local delivery and other documents come in different format.) 
 I wanted her to understand fully and answered every question as carefully as I could. 

 As I searched for the exact documents, I mixed up the updated docs. with the pending ones and in the end, got really confused to differentiate.. Johnny raised his voice at me for the first time. he taught Josephine in Mandarin. and as he did that, he scolded me in mandarin behind my back. (literally.) little did he know I actually do understand what he's talking about even though I can't speak mandarin... hearing that made me even more depressed because he said that my contract is ending soon. and it is just a matter of time... I cried on the bus journey home..
 from his scoldings, I learnt the importance of being organised. I Learnt something new everyday, and reflected on how could I improve or change the current method of working. And I felt myself improving everyday.

Today, I had to take another blow. when I came to the recruitment agency, I met Shanne who interviewed me for the job. She told me directly that I got very bad feedback from the company and pointed out my weaknesses. I typed very slowly, and they were not happy with that and have to encounter problems whenever I made mistakes.. but they were willing to give me a chance to improve myself. 
  

What I was actually doing in my work was part of the job. My job is actually linked to the others  and is very important. So if I make a mistake, the other people (customer service people and the warehouse people) will ship the items based on my mistakes and the customers were all very mad for shipping out the wrong items and to the wrong places. So I absolutely cannot afford to make a single mistake in my Inventory report. and my weakness is that I can type fast in MS Word, but not in MS Excel because of  different format. And I forgot the functions that enhance the work.
 Even though I have a computer certificate, and that generally lead to the idealism that I can type very fast with both hands and use all the ten fingers. but I tell you, I am proficient with my left hand, but not with the right hand. so that means that I only use 2 fingers on my right hand. my right hand is usually gets cramped shortly. the working environment is totally different than what I expected. 
 I believe I need more improvement with the practice. during the day, I dunno why my palms get sweaty and this makes it hard to type even more faster. everyone's typing speed is totally faster than me, and even their desks are piled high up with stacks of documents, they usually managed to get it done within 24 hours deadline. but I managed to do all the work only during the next day. the documents kept coming during the day, and more work piled up if I don't type faster. Time means money. if I delay 1 document to the next day, the company will lose money. at first, I was totally tired. that doesn't mean that I do not want to work, but I was totally new and had to adjust to the life that I'll be sitting on that chair for 24 hours.  I prefer to run around, walk and meet people, but my joob requires me to sit on that chair and type all the data entries of all the shipment transactions that came in during the day. I feel like I'm losing hope little by little everyday..  
 
And am actually crying as I typed this...    
  

pAnCEttt ....

just went back from work and is now resting from the work. the day today is a significant day for me. since monday, I have no inkling whether I have done a good job (and worse still, I thought I did.) and when I met Johny in the morning, his face totally changed. he spent this whole day correcting the document and teaching me thoroughly. he was sooooo patient. and to think that he spent till 1 am to do his office work so that others can do their part... wah.. so noble of him. :X
haha.. let me introduce Johny. my BOSS. a chinese guy who is in his mid twenties or thirties, and knows how to speak malay a bit, he can be nice to you when you do your work properly and nicely. not to mention really carefully. he's really particular about the inventory and any small mistake that I make will be scolded by him. (he said that he bites very hard..) I got a wake-up call from him this morning.. and finally, I know how to do my work.. got to write down all the notes and details from him. I think that I better change my morning drink to coffee. drinking instant cereal drink makes me sleepy. not to mention careless the way that I do my work. on the first day of work, my senior, Nita, didn't do a good job of teaching me properly. and it happened that there were no documents from the customer service section (yantra team) and had no sample of the inbound or outbound documents. so all the while she taught me by saying all the important details but did not show where are they placed in the pages of the document. All the while I tried to figure out myself about them and inserted the wrong details inside the inventory.. I gotta admit, it was partly my fault too. I said sorry to Johny and he didnt mind.. so I wasn't sure about the details and instead of asking ppl about them, I cin cai bo cai wrote any figure in.. and while Johny was correcting the document, I stayed calm on the outside but freaked out on the inside. Went to Juliana and told her about my progress in the restroom (well, the only place that I could find is that, so that i could have some privacy) I almost cried... tsk tsk. but at least I know what to do now.. wah.. b4 I forget, betta write down all the details down into my notebook before my memory fades...
my sis smsed me this msg, even though I made mistakes, it is ok. but make sure that I don't repeat it again... that msg calmed me down..

and at the end of the day, the summary is this;

1 bad teacher + 1 bad student = 1 totally screwed up document. :x

to touch on last sunday, I finally got to meet them. ( rebecca and hajjar excluded.) I wanted to see the whole group. Got to see Sir OON and his family and Ryan. Intan got the wrong info from Gary that all of us were going to meet at pasir Ris.. walk2 and chit chat.. and to our suprise, we were supposed to meet them at Milleium walk. and to think that me, Intan, Faisal and Han Rong went all the way to bedok and were eating ice kacang at parkway parade when we got that info.. aish.. >.<

so needless to say, we patah balik to millenium walk at the usual place. bought some titbits and drinks for all of us to munch on, spend some quiet time to read my mag, some reading storybook and newspapers.

haha... i'll catch up on this later. gotta haf my beauty sleep. dah pancet cannot tahan...

adios!!

mai first day of work...

let me tell you about my first day of work. I opened my eyes to the world at around 5.45 am.. which is unusual for me since I wake up around 6.30 am. and that is just to pray in the morning and back to the pillows again. :p
 
did the usual things, prepare myself for work, styled my now short hair ( feels light nowadays...) and packed my bag. Mustered enough courage to face the world. however, due to the morning drink, I felt.. sleepy, excited, nervous all at the same time. never worked during office hours before. felt so SELF-CONSCIOUS of my new hair-do. and I realised the true value of having a bad hairdo. sigh.. that botak hairstylist did not understand my feelings at all, and persuaded me to cut my hair really short... and in the end, it made regret totally. sigh.. wasted my $$ on them.. oh well.
 
I managed to get hrough the day when trying to absorb all the things that I'm supposed to do during my work. tried to do the transaction report... wah.. the counting part made me sooo tired. (literally). I lost count many times and had to recount again. made me >.<
 
did some filing.. went to the warehouse several times to talk with the men working there.. learnt to liase with the warehouse ppl, made some friends, and almost fell asleep several times while counting the data entries one by one. haix.. but it made me experience the office life... I'm exploring the life that I'm always curious about.
my desk is located in front of Admin assistant manager, Mr. Johnny. they all mention that I gonna be really stressed out and I heard that he's really particular about the standard of work. He sets a high expectation of himself and demands the same standard from me too...
 
but I haf the weekend to rest first, and then get ready to face the crunch.. I'm looking forward to meeting my friend this sun.. 
 
well, that's it.. too tired to write anymore...
 
to all of u who's reading my blog, thanks!! and missing ya,
 
Adilla